I WISH!!!!!! Attendance are so tedious and I am very recognisable. Wish I could get out. But how?????
Anyway, I am stuck in a class which I am not really fond of. This class sucks ass. I hate the subject. It's community health nursing. Maternal and child health community nursing to be exact. Why do I hate it so. Simple, this is not a subject that any guy should take due to the very fact that men in Brunei are not allowed to touch other people's wives in places *ahem* *ahem*. Savvy??? I mean what male nurse would be allowed to do a breast exam on a female patient? This whole module is about maternal care and child development and infant care and... well, you get the picture. I think its pretty clear why I should not in this class.
Another reason why I detest this class is the fact that I fucking hate the eejit (thank you, bellaaa =P) of a teacher. She is the embodiment of pretentiousness. This tutor of mine is so fucking plastic!!! At first, I thought that she was nice and so very kind. She had this smile that was constantly on her face. And that soft spoken manner... she is evil I tell you. The more I knew her, the more I realised that this woman was Satan's spawn. Kinda like Al Pacino in the Devil's Advocate. This woman is verbally abusive to her students. She would not think twice about calling you stupid. Behind the fake smiles that she throws is a backstabbing evil witch. And she hates it when her students prove her wrong. Trust me. One of my classmates is still paying for it. Her grade average dropped because my friend chose to voice out her opinion. I just hate that fat, evil, overly fake bitch. And for everyone's info, she's probably fat because she shits kids like every few years. Helloooooo!!!! Birth control!!! Then again she knows about that now would she since it is her area of expertise. I think she's just frigging horny. Should I add in horny too?? Hmmmm... yes, horny it is then.
*sigh*
My life is slowly trickling away from me. Drip by damn drip. Oozing out, gradually until I am nothing left but an empty shell in a herd of other empty shells. That or before class ends... Time drags when your not having fun.
Since I am writing, I might as well tell you about the other day when me and a bunch of other friends had lunch at Yayasan. We had sorta got into this conversation about the beginnings of life. I think it started with someone asking about whether or not dinosaurs existed. That question kick-started a discussion about faith, life and its beginnings. I have always imagined such topic of depth and weight should be discussed by scholars at night, after dinner, over coffee, not by nursing students after lunch, over lit cigarettes and empty dim sum trays. I found setting to be a bit inappropriate. But what the hell. I like to listen to people talk on things spontaneously. You'll know them better =P As I was saying, the main focus of this little after lunch talk was the beginning of life which further moved on to beliefs. They were going on and on about Adam and Eve, the existence of dinosaurs, theories about the existence humanoids of way before dinosaurs existed.. and then they did the silliest thing that they could possibly do - asked my opinion.
Here's my reply: "You know what I think? I think we are all experiments of a some unknown being or beings. The product of some lab that they tossed onto an uninhabited planet that served as the perfect petri dish. And then just watch them evolve.
*they were all silent for a moment. And I continued*
I mean c'mon. Have you ever thought about the UFO sightings? Why they came all the way here and not conquer a civilisation that is technologically far less inferior to them. These aliens just come to earth, leaves crop circles and do what else... supposedly abduct people and stick metal thingies up our asses and shit?? Why not take us over?? If they can build machines that travel at light speed, I am pretty sure they can conquer Earth."
There was a this pause before the next guy said,"You and your freaking sci-fi."
Hehehehhe... I think I managed to screw up something for them. I feel so satisfied hehehheh... For the record, I am not a scientologist. Nor do I give mich crap to all those stories about aliens. To me they are the modern fairy tales concocted by over-protective scientologists to keep their children at home at night and not roam around in the streets dabbling in real religions.
And yes. I am weird. I love to screw with people's minds. Which reminds me, some called me crazy. Like I'm this unpredictable psycho, very difficult to second guess. I have to admit, I am pretty impulsive. I am weird and I like to do things differently from others. Does that make me crazy? Whatever... I like being me. No hassle.
By the way, I wrote this while in class. Scribbling my thoughts on an A4 sized paper. It makes me look like I am paying attention and taking notes... Illusion is always the best form of misdirection. Hey!! That doesn't make sense. Well, whatever... And now I'm typing what I wrote hours ago...
That's it for tonight. Good night people.
More than a week since I blogged. I'm sure there are tons of things for me to blog about but none that I can think of right now. It is weird. When you're actually sitting in front of the screen, your brain just completely blanks out on you.
*sigh*
Boredom, boredom, boredom... why do you plague me so?? Is it not enough that you infect me with your disease on weekdays? Why on weekends? OT placements are over. Back to school to... God knows what... Fuck if I care. I just wanna go back to OT.... WAAAAAAAA!!!! why dammit? why? why did it have to be that short?
Boredom is weird. What is boredom? Can someone please clarify? It is always the simplest of questions that are the most provocative.
"why is the sky blue?"
"Why do we need air to live? Cant we not survive on just vacuum?"
"What is the meaning of life?"
I can see clinicals will be more than a bore than what it was a few weeks ago. There's that word again. Boredom? I think its preposterous. A state of boredom should not exist. I think if we have nothing of interest that lies forth, we should all be in euphoria. Yes that's right. In a state of mental elevation. A constant state of nirvana... At least that's how i want to spend boredom.. High as a butterfly.. not chemically induced kinda high... just loaded up on endorphins or something like that.. and then die of a heart attack..
Ok, ok.. maybe being high is not such a good idea. The prospect of death has its debilitating effects on this whole scope that we have come to know as the journey to a full and prosperous life.
Oohhhhh... britney's gone bonkers... yay for her!!! I thought I've seen her all but when I caught a glimpse of her shaved head.. That tops the list. What is this? Her second publicly known breakdown and probably the topping to all her unknown breakdowns.. I think it has something to do with her being around Paris Hilton. (reference: pictures with Paris shows that its not only her head that's shaved) Okay... maybe it does sound a lil' bit perverted. But c'mooonnnnnn.... who goes in public using a mini skirt without so much as a thong to conceal her private?? In any case, her privates have become public and so is her unfortunate disaster of a life.
I thought Micheal Jackson was fucked up... wait.. he is still the top of the fucked up list.. There are none other than Wacko Jacko. A once popular popstar turned popular pedophile... "oooohhh blanket, come play with me!" Never-neverland my ass.. Like a free pass and you'll never-never be the anally the same again.
Been playing guitar heroes for the past hour or so. My fingers have a mind of their own. Fucking long fingers...
Fine!! I have no hand-eye coordination. Its like the synapses between my brain and my hands are completely dislodged from where they are supposed to be. And my hands are controlled by another command center independent from my own conscious thoughts.
Yeah.. lame excuse for me not having any hand-eye control.
That's enough bullshit for one night. Good night everyone. Happy weekend.
I think that sums up valentine's day, don't do you think? All those businesses making a killing selling valentine chocolates, valentine cards, valentine flowers and all those other valentine stuff like valentine dinner and what not??
Valentine's Day is so glorified. An over misused holiday. An over-exaggeration of facts that has no concrete proof that they existed. I mean c'moooonnnnnnn.... A lil boy in his undies shooting people through the heart with arrows of love. Can he assure you of non potentially fatal trauma to the heart caused by these so called "love arrows"?
A bunch of morons. So gullible people we are. I still think valentine's a whole commercial scam concocted to draw herds of love sick puppies to purchase useless crap that supposedly symbolises your undying love for the one you love... Fuckers..
You know what else happened on valentine's day?? Valentine's Day Massacre. You've never heard of valentine's day massacre?? Where have you been?? I'm talking about the gang war that happened in Chicago between Al Capone and Bugs Moran. That is one way to celebrate Valentine. Take a gun and go out with a bang.
Waaahhhhhh... I hate this valentine. So far away from my girlfriend... Now you know why I hate this freaking date. I guess I dont have to explain why I am ranting on and on about how much I hate it. Yeah, I know we can't celebrate it, but wouldn't it be nice if i could spend the day with her...
Life is just dandy aint it?
Good Night everyone... F***ing valentine's to everyone.
Each player of this game starts out by giving 6 weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. After you do that, leave them each a comment letting them know you tagged them and to read your blog!
I have a frigging headache, so I thought to myself,"Why the hell not.."
Anyway, six weird things about me *ohh... the throbbing in my head.
Number One - A tendency to see things through.I dont know why but I like to finish what I started. If I dont it'll just bother me throughout the rest of the day. It's like that one single task, no matter how big or small it is, will just keep on nagging me, circling around in my head like an,just waiting for me to break. There is not a passing moment where I am not thinking about it. It's like that thing is calling my name.
"Vis... Vis... come lah... finish us..."
Am I psychotic? Maybe just a lil bit obsessive compulsive.
Maybe it's just my ego. People say that I am a bit stubborn. A bit is used loosely here... Ok, maybe i'm just hard-headed, period. Fine. I have an ego the size of Mars. Savvy?? Some people... But still... I dont think its a good thing to leave stuff unfinished.
Number Two - Work-FocusedI am lazy, that I have to admit. But when I put myself in work mode, I just disconnect from the real world. It'll just be me and what I am doing. Doesn't matter if it's assigments, presentations... just any kind of task that I set myself too. Usually I tend to ignore those around me and they most often would stay away from me.
Here are some of the signs that I exhibit when I am in that mode:
- frowning.
- head down.
- conversational skills limited to "grunts", "nods" and "shakes".
- unresponsive to stimuli e.g my name being called, my girlfriend talking to me.
Number Three - GluttonyI have a weakness for food especially chinese food. I eat constantly. I think I have like four meals a day. I just love chinese food. I adore chinese food. I just love it!! But I also love chocolate... and cheese. I like very much. Usually my last meal would be at midnight. By that time I've already indulged myself to the brim. Yeah...someday, it will be the death of me. Food maybe the source of life but like they say,"too much of a good thing is bad for you". Whoever they are. A bunch of killjoys I suspect. So what if you die obese and afflicted with numerous obesity related diseases? At least you'll die with a full stomach. Right? Well, whatever. I still love food.
Number Four - HyperactivityI can never sit still in one place - unless I am blogging. But if there was such a device for me to blog and at the sametime be on the move... Not PDAs though. Too small and inconvenient with the touching of the screen and the diminutive size of the screen. Uncomfortable indeed.
Where was I?
Oooohh... hyperactivity. It's kinda like watching someone high. I do whatever I want, make all this stupid jokes and annoy the hell out of my friends. I dono which side of the family did I get that from. My parental units are pretty sedated.
Hmmm.... will go more into that in some other blog.
Number Five - Isolation.I like to be alone sometimes. It gives me time to think. Just be on my own. Do things I wanna do. Listen to music, some people find angry. Yeah, exactly. Some people...
I love some time alone. Maybe it's because I am always surrounded by people - at college, at work and in hostel. Not that I wanna live forever alone. I definitely wanna get married someday and unleash my spawns onto the world *heheheh* but not now. In a distant future, definitely. But definitely not now.
Number Six - Skinny girls suck.I hate looking at skinny girls. Really I do. Looking at skinny girls makes me think of stick insects, especially tall,skinny girls. The worst thing is these girls think they are super hot!!! Like sizzling hot. Yeah right!! Hot to what??? A stick insect who hasn't had it in awhile. Bitchy aren't they sometimes. Like i said, they have this whole illusion of them being the embodiment of hotness that they think they are everything. Ego-trip on the loose. And yes, my girlfriend is not skinny. She's just perfect.
That's all the six weird things that I can think about myself. Maybe they are not that weird but still pretty annoying. Annoyance can be weird sometimes. I have no 6 people to tag. Maybe Daus. Hi daus... tagged you. Now you must write this. The rules are as printed as above.. Hey Daus... Bitch!!!
By the way, I'm sick. I think I've finally caught that flu virus that's been going around. I have a frigging headache. Good night everyone.
February is finally upon us and all i can think of is my frigging dissertation. Three more months until deadline... Such a bother. Such a waste. I'm talking about me doing my dissertation, not my life. My life is fine. I love life. I love living.
After about a week, I finally have time to actually go online. Not that I did not have time.
No. I actually didnt have the time. Working office hours has its disadvantages. However, clinical practice in the operating theatre of SSBH has been a hell of a joyride. Aside from the fact that its too freaking cold up there, I don't think any other person in my place could ask for more.
Ahhhhh... the life of an OT nurse... I use to think that doing trauma was what I really wanted to do. But now I'm not so sure. I kinda like being a scrub nurse - i.e. the nurse who gets to assist surgeons during surgeries =S Actually, I enjoy it as much as working in trauma. You get to do a lot of things with your hands. Funny how i realised this while holding down someone's intestines with my gloved hands. It was during a herniarraphy (a surgical procedure to repair a hernia. Basically that's what that one word means. These bloody confusing medical terms and their greek origins)and we ran out of retractors. You could say I lent a hand in there and got my fingers a lil bit dirty. There was definitely someone else's blood on my hand. Hehehehhe... me trying to be funny when I'm sleepy. Lame... very bloody lame. Anyway, throughout the two and a half hours of surgery and the handing of forceps, scissors, sutures, diathermy and also in between conversations of nothing relating to the surgery that I had with the rest of the surgical team, I am seriously thinking about doing OT... But then I love trauma. Dilemmas, dilemmas, dilemmas... Life would be so dull if there was no dilemma.
If you asked me the first week i was attached there, I would have said otherwise. I most certainly did not see myself as part of any surgical team. Seriously, witnessing a cesarean on the first day did not help. The first time I entered an operating suite, the gynaecologists were already pulling the baby out from it's mother's womb. My first thought was not how wonderful the miracle of birth, or of the utmost respect I have for women everywhere especially mothers. Those came later. My initial thought when I saw the baby come, umbilical attached and all, was "WHY THE HELL IS IT SO BLUE??!?"
Yes, it was mostly disgust, goosebumps and trepidation. The baby was blue!!! I thought it was dead, until I heard the crying. Thank god I was wearing a mask. If not, my partner would have seen my face grimace at the sight of what I thought was a lifeless baby. My admiration for the miracle of birth and respect for the opposite sex came way, way, waaaayyyyy later. Like in a few days later... after I got that whole cyanostic-looking-baby-just-out-of-that-hole image out of my system and let it settle in.
And settled in I did. Two weeks later and more surgeries afterwards, i tried my hand at scrubbing in. Last Thursday was physically draining. I almost slipped in the midst of the hernia. Surgeons can be so careless sometimes with their surroundings. Clumsily dropping equipment and stuff here and there. And no, I did not almost slip on a pair of forceps. It was - wait for it - fat. Pure human unwanted human fat. I didnt realise that this tiny little blob had fallen off the table and landed next to my feet. Eventually it ended up flatten by my size nine clogs hehehhe slippery. I thought I almost ended up falling face first on to someone's exposed intestines - the same ones I was holding in place. I remember smiling to myself at how disgustingly funny that would have been. Thank god for face masks. They would have seen me grinning away like an idiot.
Gross aint it? But it is a job that brings satisfaction to one more than any amount of money can be. I'd rather work in a position that I love with average pay than be stuck in job that I hate but pays high. Well, that's just me. i'm used to not having any money. Life's simpler if you have less of it. Not much hassle.
Anyways, eyes getting heavy. Going to sleep soon. Good night people.
This was taken off of my friendster's bulletin board. I had to post it here. It was so freaking funny. No, it was not me that answered these questions. They were courtesy of Mr. F****** (hehehhehhehe). He did it just after he came back from class and just before he went off to bed. Which raises the question - why did he do it in the first place?
*************************************************************************************
1. What do you think of the most when
you are alone?
- Reflecting myself of what I did each
day and then go to bed
2. When it is a rainy night, what do
you do most of the time?
- I go to bed
3. When was the last time you were
given roses and from whom?
- When I was dreaming after I went to
bed
4. What do you do when you see a full
moon?
- I go to bed
5. Would you rather swim in the lake or
dive in the ocean?
- Swim in the lake and then go to bed
6. What would be the best partner of a
good cup of coffee?
- Bread
7. If you'll ask yourself a question
now, what would it be?
- Can I go to bed?
8. If certain things in your life will
fall apart, what will you do?
- Go to bed
9. What was the hardest decision you
made in your life so far?
- Dunno ah...go to bed
10. When your friends forget you, what
will you do?
- Go to bed
11. Do you talk to yourself?
- No, just go to bed
12. Is there anything that you are
craving for right now?
- My long slumber
13. Single or taken?
- Single
14.Ever cried for something stupid?
- When can i go to bed
15. Do you like anime?
- Ya
16. How about Japanese music?
- Not bad...gone a fav band
name "GOSHITOSHIBEDSHI"
17. What music are you into, anyway?
- Go to sleepy lullaby
18. Do you have a malicious mind?
- Is going to bed a malicious mind
19. First thing you do after watching a
movie:
- Go to bed
20. Do you wash the dishes in your
house?
- Yes before going to bed
21. You can't last two days without
a....
- bed
22. Most common words in your
classroom.
- I'm wanna to bed to sleep
23. The last lie you told your parents?
- I'm sleepy
25. Still go to the mall with your
parents?
- No, I want to go to bed
26. Are you brand conscious?
- I like Slumberland beds
27. Ever fell in love?
- Yes, with my bed
28. Who do you miss right now?
- My bed
29. Watched any good movies lately?
- Death on the bed
30. Is it in you to kill someone?
- No, just wanna sleep rather than
killing
31. Daydream a lot?
- No, I dream a lot
32. Happy with your life?
- Yes, with my bed
33. You'd rather lose your mobile or
your wallet?
- I can lose them but not my bed
34. Ever slept all throughout class?
- Yup, coz the chair is similar to a
bed
35. Message for someone..
- GO TO SLEEP LH BOY!!!!!!!
Purposely wrote about the bed because
too bored already answering obvious
questions. Just wanna have fun with
it....
*************************************************************************************
Yes, this friend of mine is madly and deeply in love with his bed. They plan to get married some day. Start their own family and have tiny little beds together. A match made in heaven... =P hi daus..
Now, how was my week? Work was fun. I'm not saying that operating theatres are fun but still work was a joy. I had an eye full of blood, organs and more blood.... and babies... weeeeeeee
The miracles of birth. Not that I actually participated in the delivery of one. Well, not yet and hopefully not too soon *Knock on wood* It was freezing though up there on the first floor of Suri Seri Begawan Hospital. I mean really bone chilling cold. By ten o'clock, I couldn't feel my hands. The numbing cold. I think there should be insurance for the OT nurses there covering frost-bite. But alas, it is not possible to tweek up the temperature just a little bit. Safety precautions you see. Something to do with infection control and shit.
I guess its gonna be a cold, cold three weeks.
Which reminds me, no mstter how beautiful someone is, her shit still doesn't smell like roses. Thank you for spoiling it for me Vick. Next time, spare me the details and let me have my fantasy.
Pleasant week people.
