Don't you just hate it when you are on this writing streak and your mind just constantly shoots out words and your fingers try to keep up but eventually once you get around to reading it, you find all this stupid typographical errors that just fucks up the content of your blog?
I can't believe how many times this has happened to me. Maybe sometimes your mind spits out so many words that your fingers are not physically capable of following that they just break down in the middle of your keyboard and just fucks up on you. It's like intent of writing outruns the speed of typing. Its like trying to overtake a truck with an old beat up car but it just wont give that extra mile even though your foot slammed the pedal all the way to the floor.
Really stupid don't you think. And not to mention embarrassing. I won't be surprised if I find one typo in this here entry. Then again maybe its just me and that everyone else has perfect typing capabilities.
Then again...
Yeah.. I'm not alone on this one. Those who visit my blog are usually exposed to the same kind of affliction and hence adopt them to their own fingers. Unintentionally adopt them that is. Or unintentionally catch it. It is a virus. A menace to all those who yields ye fingers on the keyboards. Be forewarned of this danger once you enter this page. Typos will haunt the rest of your typing lives. Maybe I should put that under my "about me" column.
Documented among this pages are evidence of seriously untreated cases of typos. Look carefully and you will see. Even if you don't look carefully you'll still see it. Its just that obvious. I bet Bella and Sheena come here often to actually find joy among the wrongs that I have created here. Sad but true.
Trust me when I say that typos are contagious. Ask Sheena. I think she has the worse case.
This was just in. That lil she-devil had a whirlwind of a time from flooding my chatbox. Whirlwind of a time? That was so lame. LAME LAME LAME!!!! *slaps self with jock strap*
| juin: LOL LOL LOL. i'm flodding your tagboard but i dun care. it's revenge for what you did to my tagbaord before. hahahahahahaha |
| juin: Guy: "The-rapist" waa. shrink? mental health doctor? psychiatrist? Fren: OHHHH!! THERAPIST isit????!! haiyooooo |
| juin: HAHAHAHAHhaHAHAHA omg. i cant stop laughing. HAHAHAHa imagine is someone pronounced it as "the-rapist". Guy: I wanna go see my "the-rapist". Fren: THE WHAT?! |
| juin: HAHAHAHAHA ROFLMAO ROFLMAO!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAhA |
| juin: hahahaHAHAHAhAHAHAHHAHA therapist!! if the spelling is correct, it can be broken down into "the-rapist" |
| juin: i think i need to see a therapist. HAHAHAHAHHA |
That was her and her alone. And this was when the disease hit her the worst.
*dances and twirls around*
EXAM is over, exam is over, exam is oveeerrr!
Did ya hear me?!
I SAID EXAM IS OVERRRRRR!!
CMON PPL!!! SAY IT WITH MEH!
GIMME AN O, GIMME A V, GIMME AN A, GIMME AN N
PUT IT ALL TOGETHER AND WHAT DOES IT SPELL??
OVER!!!!!!!!!!
WOHOOO!!!
*waves pom-poms around*
*pom-poms slipped outta hand*
*fly towards face and knocks eyes*
*faints*
Yes, now we know how spell OVER. O-V-A-N. OVER.
Hahahahhahaha... that one made me laugh and cried so hard that I was overly depressed the next day.
So you see this post is not without warning. The dangers lurk within every paragraph and every line. So beware if you read this, you might end up doubling over in laughter. And if someone out there has a cure, please give it to this poor, innocent girl. Have pity on this poor soul.
Anyways, this is out of context with the rest of the blog but I was watching the "The Fellowship Of The Rings" with Firdaus when all of a sudden there was this scene where one of the Hobbits' foot was caught in focus for a slight moment. You know how they look like right? Cartoony big and very hairy. Yeah well, I don't know how it came around but I just started laughing.
Firdaus: Why you laughing?
Me: *Points at his foot* The same!!!!!! It's the same!!!!!! *picks up controller and rewinds to the scene with the Hobbit's foot* See!!!
Firdaus: Damn you!!!
Me: *continues on laughing* You a Hobbit too ka?
Then Firdaus, girlishly hits me with the open side of his hand just as he usually does when he is frigging annoyed with anyone.
"Capi!" he cursed as he covers up his feet.
Mind you, if one were to see his feet, he/she would be amazed at the uncanny resemblance of his feet to that of Mr. Frodo. Also very disturbing.
Anyways, good nite people. Gonna go dig up another 3,500 words for submission the day after tomorrow. Notify me any typos are spotted. I'll give you a rat's ass.
Can't believe Hilhamd (a good friend) is now a daddy. He's been talking about having kids since he got married a year plus ago. And now he is the father to a cute (because I'm hoping that she looks more like mommy than daddy. Kidding!!!!! Sorry bro =P) baby girl. I have yet to see her but as I am typing this, the arrival of this child is now being accepted into the arms of first time parents and grandparents (on the father's side that is).
Awwwww.... adorable aint it not?
Babies are adorable. I kid you not when I make this statement. I actually love looking at babies. It's when they start growing up that I dont like. Because then, they start to annoy. I have young cousins that I can't stand. When they're young, I can't help but think how hopelessly helpless they are all bundled up. It's when they start walking and talking that worries me. My 3 year old cousin can show you a finger. I use "a finger" because he shows you the imitation of the middle finger, which is the ring finger. I care not to correct him. Because then I'd have the satisfaction of laughing at him and not the blood pressure of a 40-year-old hypertensive because of the stress that I get when he shows me his real middle finger.
Babies are really are adorable. I can't imagine myself getting married soon though. Well... I just can't. I know I'm just a year younger than Ham and that the fact that he got married around my age has yet to faze my resolutions for whatever it is I plan to do in the next five years.
Or is it that I have commitment issues? *ducks*
*Waits for potential projectiles that are hurled at him by girlfriend*
*still ducking*
*looks around*
Hehehehe... I forgot. She doesn't visit here much. *sighs relief*
That is difficult to comprehend. To actually settle down with someone and start a family of your own. Handle your own kids. With a million things that can go wrong, so how am I supposed to know which ones are the right things to do? That thought alone is scary. I should not be allowed to have kids. I might fuck it up. And that sure as hell scares the shit out of me.
I guess I'll never know until I do then. But till then, I need to get a lot of things out of my system. After all, I am only human. I have my fears. I have my dreams. But first things first. I bloody need to finish my fucking dissertation. Besides, its not the future that I am worried about now. Its the present. The future can hold whatever it wants for me because I don't really give a rat's ass. G'nite people..
P.S. Congrats Hilhamd on your baby girl. You're a daddy now!! Mun paham bisai.
Consumerism has now gone to an extent whereby brand names are no longer sacred. Kids nowadays are more exposed to sex more on the streets than they are on tv. Its true what they say about sex selling. And I'm not just saying that. The picture below will explain everything.
photo courtesy of one of Kenny Sia's readers, Cheryl.
Well, I take it back. Sexy does not sell. Especially is its as cheesy as this one. I feel sexually harassed just by looking at it. But isn't it damn funny? So if I use this toothpaste will it give me that minty fresh aftertaste of a toothpaste whilst at the same time the satisfaction of a blowjob?
Oral me: It'll blow you away.
It just reminded me of the time my friend asked this transvestite/hooker how much it was for a full service.
friend: How for one night?
hooker: $40
friend: If blowjob only?
hooker: if normal $5 but if you want aircon plus $0.50.
friend: *curious* what's aircon?
hooker: *takes out this minty Hacks candy* aircon lo...
The results of the negotiations that went on that night were never revealed or proven nor was there any explanation for why it took place. My friend is entitled to his own privacy and life. Right, Brokeback Boy? And yet, I wonder. Did he really have to tell us the idiotic details of his sexual escapades?
Speaking of which, Brokeback Mountain is a masterpiece of its own. I'm clearly admitting to watching it and thought that it was one movie that practically forced its way into my brain and decided to live there for a couple of months. After watching it, I kinda had this weird aftertaste in my mouth like I had durian and sardines for a meal and washed it all down with turpentine. Sure Ang Lee is one of Asia's celebrated directors but that whole Heath and Jake love affair was freaking the hell out of me. And throughout the movie, I kept picturing Jake as the woman of the pair. He looked the part and he was always bottoms.
Honestly, after watching it, I had to look for porn. Real heterosexual porn. Just anything with a naked woman in it. But unfortunately I asked the wrong person for the address. What popped in on my web browser was the picture of a horse, shall we say, anatomically engorged. Not that I'm saying it was a bad movie. Just too artsy and too much male lovin' in it. Good thing there scenes of Michelle Williams and Anne Hathaway in it. If it weren't for them, the movie would have been unbearable to watch. For me that is.
Anyways, the idiot that came up with "oral me" must have been either really comical or just totally isolated from the real word to actually know what it means.
Speaking of Brokeback, it has been confirmed that Heath Ledger is the new Joker for the upcoming Batman movie. I can tell you this. The Dark Knight is finally deserving of his title, back to the true dark avenger that he truly is, striking fear into the hearts of evil-doers. Instead of the cheesy George Clooney version. Yeah the one where I think that Batman was a bit soft and goofy. A big fat joke that movie was. Micheal Keaton and Val Kilmer did a wonderful job and Clooney had to ruin the legend for me. It was so wrong for him to be doing that part.
Very not cool, Clooney. Very not cool.
Enough said with of the past and onto the future. A picture of Ledger as Joker.
I think make up did a wonderful job. Gruesome and very convincing of a Joker as a menacing nemesis. Although I do have to agree with the people at
iwatchstuff.com. Why the pout? Looks like Heath is gagging to plant one on an innocent lil boy. Or are his lips actually swollen from that foundation that he's using? Yeah, Joker has issues with make-up. Then again, looks like he's eaten a whole lot of strawberries and is now having an allergic reaction to 'em. And is it just me or does Heath look like a sad little clown rather than an evil one? Regardless, the scars were a nice touch. Very post-modern emo.
Still on movies, I will now show you something that is trully shocking and overdone:
Rambo 4
Enough is enough already. Sure 20 years ago the idea of an ex-Nam soldier/drifter suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder hellbent on retribution over spilled first blood was a kick ass action movie of it's time, but taking a 50 or 60 year old actor with a mullet and letting him relive his macho-masculine years in a movie that was a classic in some ranks and making a sequel years after the movies, merchandise and cartoon series has went under is taking it way above and beyond. That is so sad. And strategically, the pictures that I have are Stallone with his shirt on which is a contrast to the other Rambo where he is bare-chested.
Hmmmm... gravity taking a toll on ya, huh Sly?
Wonder if the producers' biggest decision was whether or not to keep his shirt on throughout the movie to at least save the aging actor's dignity and also our eyes?
So... should he do it old school, bare-chested and all? *All board members shaking head unanimously and vigourously in disapproval*
And shouldn't he be retired by now? I mean John Rambo. And Sly too.
Enough rambling for me today. I am on my work break. My dissertation isn't gonna write itself. I wanna go do some work. Good Night people.
Imagine this: you are in an elevator, trapped with another 6 other strangers who are unsuspecting of the threat that you pose to them. Beads of sweat start forming and slowly trickling down your face as u try to physically manipulate the depths of your physical inner self.
Squeeze.... Don't let go!!!!!! Just squeezeeee!!!!!!!!
*Ding* The elevator door opens, but its not your floor. One person leaves. Of all the bad luck, it seems the rest of those bastards are heading towards the same floor as you are.
Bastards. You bloody bastards.
Five more floors to go. You can feel tremors going up your spine. The sweating continues. There you are stuck in a small confined space without so much as an inch to maneuver yourself in case one of them collapses on you. You glance around nervously as you contemplate whether or not these wretched creatures deserve what's coming to them. As you scan the elevator, one by one they make eye contact with you, probably thinking that you're some junkie trying to go cold turkey.
In your hearts of hearts, you know that you just need to let it go before the worst happens. Pick stained or smell? It's a choice that can very well shape the forthcoming perception that these nearly half a dozen people are gonna make of you.
What are you gonna do?
Deny! Deny! Deny!!!!!!
A sigh of relief escapes your lips as you unleash the horrors of flatulence into the occupants of the lift. They have no route of escape, no orifice of ventilation that is effective enough to take this stench away. All they can do is bask in the ambiance of which is the glory of your FART!
But wait, the ordeal is not over yet.
You need to play along to get out of this. Cover your mouth as they have. Pretend that this stink of agonizing nasal torture is not of your anus. Believe that it is not the product of your unstable colons so as to escape the evil looks that these people are about to give to you.
*Ding* The door finally opens. Scurry out they did and so did you. Still holding your nose. Glances exchange between each other.
There was no point anyways. We all know that. Nobody is gonna own up to his fart. And they all went their separate ways. A total image disaster evaded and life is grand again.
Flatulence can be such a bitch sometimes. It can come at you in times you least expect it. Nobody wants it. Not even thou who farted it. It just wreaks.
Scientifically speaking, farts are the products of bacterias that dwell within your colons. You need these tiny lil buggers because for some apparent reason they are essential in the digestion of what you have riding in you digestive track. As a result, these microorganisms digest it and in return release gases which eventually find release in your anus.
That's also one of the reasons why some people fart different smells. Like all things in life. We are not uniform and hence considered unique in a certain way. Some people fart odourless gases while others could make a skunk choke to death.
Mine is the latter. I once farted on my dog. I had this nagging question: what kinda smell do dogs actually smell when they recognise you by your scent? Due to time constraints and also lack of reference in memory as to how I got my answer, I'll just tell you what I did.
I farted in my dog's face.
Poor thing couldn't stop sneezing after that.
And I did it to my cat too.
Couldn't stop sneezing too and ran as far as it could, shaking his head as if saying,"Why? Why? Why of all things did he have to do this to me? What did I do to deserve this?"
Flatulence has its uses too. Like clearing a room in mere seconds. Although the cursing and the name-calling will need a bit of adjusting to.
"Kan mati!!"
"Fucking Hell!!! What did you eat last night?"
"Asshole"
"At least a warning first!"
"OPEN THE GODDAMN WINDOWS!!"
Although all of us have our own brand of flatulence, none of us actually like smelling it. And all of us just hate the smell of others too. Public farting can be a nuisance sometimes. Its good if the source of gas is audible and therefore easy for you to point fingers and run away from point of origin but what do you do when its one of those silent types? You'll be there surrounded by the stench of a thousand year old mummy and searching angrily for the evil-doer. Yet, you know it is pointless. Like I said, nobody would own up to their own flatulence. Especially in public and in a place full of people.
Now, regarding of any query that you might have to whether or not your ass is a real-life flamethrower, that s actually true. Although testing have shown that it might be hazardous to your anus and the rest of the organs near it.
Ever seen the movie "Backdraft" where the fire just rushes back into the gaseous openings of a pipe? Kinda like that. Except with your anus. Freaky huh?
Love it or hate it. We are our own brand of smell.Therefore, be angry not at the fact that the person farts in your presence but be angry that at that moment you are unable to return the favor.
Anyways, go to go finish up some stuff. Good night people.
I want one day off being human!!!!! Work has been kinda like a bitch lately. Nagging here and there and everywhere even when its not wanted. Even in my sleep. IT'S BEEN DRIVING ME INSANE!!!!
So I thought abt it. What would I do on a day where I could do anything? Just bloody anything. Anything that I please. Guilt and sin free of course and without the restraints of such nonsensical things called laws and rules and the likes..
And the results after long minutes of deliberation and consultation with my inner child, I drew up a list:
- Eat!
- Eat some more.
- And eat till I can no longer my food in.
- Go on a mountain bike trail off in the middle of the woods. I miss the scars and the blood and the falling. The adrenaline rush when some wild animal is vicious animal is chasing you. And dogs. At one time, I was cycling so fast because this bloody German shepherd behind had foams coming out of its mouth. Anyways, so ignorant was I of the road before me that I didn't realise that there was a pothole in my path. No, I didnt fly through the air or anything. I broke my seat though. Because I crash my balls on it when my bike crashed on the pothole. Regardless of other dire injuries that may occur, I'd still do it all over again. I miss mountain biking.
- Break off Michael Jackson's nose. Why? No reason.
- Take down DSTcom. Do you realise how much those bastards engulf from us? I was planning more along the lines of a Kamikaze suicide bomber September 11 style. Or maybe plan it in some way that B-mobile gets blamed for it. Use a plane that has B-mobile's logo on the tail wing. WWAHWHHAWHHAWHAHWHAHWHAHHWAW
- Choke my principal with my bare hands and then maybe gouge out her eyes. Leave her in a bloody mess and just walk away satisfied. Yeah on a day of total indulgence I would choose to murder someone. I mean who wouldn't want to. But then again its just me. So I have a very morbid and sadistic imagination. Big Deal *blows raspberries*
- Visit Kurt Cobain's grave. I have always wanted to actually step foot on the soils that are now the home to one of rock's icons.
- End world hunger if I could I guess. The thing I dont get about the world today is that developed countries waste enough food per day to feed a whole continent for weeks and yet do not have enough to send to aid Third World countries.
- Tell Satan that he is the biggest ass in existence and that he is probably the most condescending, narcissistic snob and he deserved to live in Hell. And then stayed in Hell some more to ask him how it was like to be the ruler of the underworld.
- I was thinking of diving into the deepest recesses of any oceans and just look around but then I realise I can only drown instead of swim and the scuba lesson would probably take more than a day. How about I try and jump off of KLCC. That would be nice wouldn't it? With a bungee rope or a parachute of course. Naked!! Jump off the KLCC naked!!! That would be so cool, literally and figuratively. But definitely not a leap of death as in without any safety precautions. I wouldn't wanna die prematurely now wouldn't I? Before I kill my principal that is.
That's about it I guess. Just as much as I could think of right now. I lost track of what I wanted to do after contemplating on the best ways to jump off a high place. But its too bad we have rules and that upbringing has given us a sense of conscience. Many of the things that I wanna do each day are a bit, what society would call, disturbed. Probably one of the reasons why rules and laws existed too. Besides, if we didnt have rules, we'd be living in trees and throwing our crap to each other. A society of tree-climbing crap-flingers. That would be bad.
In closing I'd like to say this, dissertations suck! Good night everyone.
I've been watching season 1 of "Scrubs" the whole afternoon. I'm assuming that those who read this knows of it and if you haven't, I'll just assume that you have heard of it and disregard the fact that you are from a world without tv and that you've just crawled out from whatever hole that you came from, you poor bastard you... And its not like I haven't watched it before when it first came out. It was just difficult to comprehend when it comes to those medical jargons all in latin. Fucking complicate they sound yes. But conquer latin and you have any fucking long latin word in the palm of your hand. Still, Scrubs was funny then as it is now.
Anyways, the thing that struck me the most was the fact that much of JD's thoughts and feelings mirrors that of mine the first day I walked in to a ward. Funny how fiction can be real sometimes. Or is it that reality inspires fiction? Either way, some of the things that JD goes through are pretty much what I felt on my first day. I mean the first thing that runs through your mind is...
That's it. Just .... .
Your mind just blanks out. It's like your brain is telling you to get away and its already making an exit through the back of your head, saying goodbye and good luck in the form of a note planted at the bottom of your skull. So stupid and dull that you have become that you no longer respond to your name and you have this glazed look on your face like your fucking high on the sight of sick people.
In some instance, you can see JD starts off his internship by trying to attempt vena puncture. You know when a doctor or a nurse inserts a needle attached to this plastic tube that is connected to this bottle of some saline hanging upside down above you. You can practically see how nervous and scared he was when asked to insert an IV line into a real life patient. The way his facial muscle contorts in a grimace and the tremors of his hands just wouldn't stop. Theory and practical doesn't necessarily translate well into practice. Remember that. Some of you might need it someday. What you learn from school will only prepare you for some of the shit that life throws you.
Yeah... Been there and done that too. Tried that setting up and IV line and basically went through the same thing. Well, actually, my first experience was not vena puncture but more like cleaning up someone's soiled bed. Soiled is a nice term to use when there isn't any other to replace 'SHIT'.
But clinical practice has become somewhat of a blast. Maybe along the way, I've been sprayed with piss twice in the same day, collected stool sample fresh and warm from the source, dress a necrotic foot, cleaned out a wound the size and depth of a baseball and basically held human intestines. I guess experience just makes more confident along the way and in turn confidence helps you to prevent nervousness which could possibly lead to fuck-ups. The piss thing was not due to human error but mainly because I basically had no idea which lever is which to pull. Pull the right one, you can clean a urinal. Pull the wrong one and you have this fountain of piss coming out from another hole. That's history. I've learned my lesson now. Smelling like piss for about six hours does not make your patient yearn for your presence.
Basically, I just love watching "Scrubs" because it kinda reminds me of clinicals and the fact that I know some of the things that they are trying to do there. It makes it easier for me to study for tests and stuff. This post is so lame. Good night people.
My sleeping pattern has gone haywire in the last few days. My day practically began last night... No, no, make it yesterday morning... Correction... The day before that. I haven't had a single decent ounce of sleep.Funny thing was I got to hit one of my friends while he was asleep. I mean, at 4 o'clock in the morning who wouldn't hit you if you weremoany and fidgety? And it wouldn't have gotten my attention much if not for me reading one of those True Singapore Ghost Stories books. I mean, who wouldn't? There you are engrossed in the middle of a ghost story in the middle of the fucking morning and your mind would just have to wonder what the hell is making all that moaning outside of your room.
So like any other hot-headed curious young lad hell-bent on making whoever it is pay for spooking the shit out of him, I went to investigate. Turns out it was one of my housemates sleeping in the living room. So I stood there, looming over him, waiting for confirmation.
And he did it.
Like some lost soul had entered his sleep and they had some sort of perverse romp in his dream. He let out a series of moans of satisfaction and his arms and legs were fidgeting all over the place. I, being the GoodSamaritan that I am, did what any other guy in my place would do. I raised my hand up high and brought it down with the wrath of a man who needs sleep.
Splat!!!!!!!
Was the sound when skin made contact with skin. I stood there giggling at a job well done.But the fucker didn't even move. Not so much as twitch on impact.
"FUCK!!" I exclaimed out loud. He let out this soft moan and then opened his eyes. His blood shot eyes... He stared at me, with purpose it seemed.
And then...
He went back to sleep. I continued to stand there wondering what the hell was going on for another five minutes and also just to make sure (and to see if I could really hit him this time and leave a mark or something.. or until he wakes up. Which ever comes first.) if he was alright.
Alas, the five minutes came and went and I realized it was already 5.30 a.m. So, seeing that it was futile to even go to bed, I continued on reading my book. Then, the most stupidest of all that is stupid happened. The power went off. All in one giant, abrupt click. As a result, I had a few hours of sleep somewhere during lunch and also after dinner. But only a few hours. I am not cranky anymore nor am I in the mood for violence. Maybe just a little bit if the occasion calls for it. We'll see how the night unfolds. Besides, I decide in the light of the situation, I might as well do my dissertation.
The demands of this technical/educational institution can be so utterly unimportant and meaningless. In the sense that, I basically don't need this right now. Nobody should be doing this. Exams not enough is it that they just have to give us an assignment that is 50% of the graduating mark?
Here's the thing that gets me worked up. A dissertation is a big fat lie that tries to disguise itself in the form of a big word. A dissertation is not even your own work. It's a compilation of works. You can't call it your work when it's something that is comprised of other people's literature and research. A dissertation is a sham. Yes, I know I've established that with the masses but I just wanna clearly emphasize my point.Anyway, I wanna go do the abovementioned bull crap that is yet to take shape and finish it by tonight or tomorrow morning if possible. Good night people.
I wish I wasn't human sometimes. Being at the top of the evolutionary chain scares the shit out of me. Sure they say we are the smartest creatures alive but ever wondered how much weed did that person or persons smoke prior to making that statement?
Yes, we are smart. We make way for progress by but cutting down trees and reducing the amount of oxygen in the process. We built factories that make cars that release all kinds of pollutants into the atmosphere. We accessorize ourselves with the most beautiful of furs and leathers, all taken from poor defenseless little creatures who don't even know what death is until it comes slamming down onto their heads in the form of an axe. Wow, the world dies as we prosper.
Oh yes, we show mother nature our gratitude in a very strange way.
Most of all I hate going through the process of living. Too many things to do and to little time. At one point, I wish I was a snail for the very reason that accommodations wouldn't be much of a hassle. No more sharing bathrooms with anyone. No worries about electricity or water that goes out when you least expected or when you desperately want to unload No. 2. Yes, live my life as a snail.
Wouldn't that be fun? And a vegetarian to boot. I mean plants don't actually fight back when you bite them. That's a plus there. And then have kids. I wouldn't have to worry about them now do I? They come fully equip with their own houses and most definitely be able to move on with their lives in a matter of weeks. That's already a load off my hands from the day they are born.
But travelling up and down from KB to Bandar would be a problem? A month long journey probably just to get to Tutong.
If only I could talk to God...
It may sound ironic and all that and also for the very fact that I am a free-thinker, but I do believe that there does exist an entity that animates and binds all living creatures and objects.
I'd ask him one thing and one thing only: Where did you go wrong with Michael Jackson?
Ok, just kidding. If I could talk to God, I would definitely not know what to say to Him. Maybe I could start by asking how He was? That would be the perfect ice-breaker.
"It's been kinda easy here in Heaven lately," He would say. "I heard the Devil's been buried neck up with work. Iraq and all.""Ooohh," nods in agreement. "Yeah, heard about that. Say, would You mind answering a few questions for me."
"Yeah, I've got time to spare. What can I do for you?""Why can't I be a snail?"
"Why would you want to be a snail?""Being human sucks ass. Too much work just to live."
"And you think dragging your home around on your back all day isn't work?""Hmmmm... You've got a point there. Why did You make snails?"
"I thought they looked kinda cute at the time. But that was milleniums ago. I have my reservations now. Them and the platypus.""Yeah... neither duck or beaver. Kinda like Michael Jackson. Neither black or white or even asian. They are all in a class of their own."
"Michael Jackson, I had nothing to do with. The Devil and I are still arguing about who is going to take him when he dies.""You talk to the Devil all the time?"
"Sometimes. He was once a child of mine. So he did try to take over Heaven at one time but that was a long time ago. Forget and forgive I'd say. Besides, Me and him have to coordinate some of the events that goes on down there. Make sure that enough accommodation is made out for enough souls on each side. Well, at least here I do. I dunno about him. I heard he stacks everyone up and let Goliath and Andre the Giant sit on them until there's enough space.""Goliath is in Hell?"
"Yeah. You know, kinda big. Hates slingshots and rocks.""Ok. Can you tell me something about the future?"
"Nope. Everything is on random. The concept of free will and destiny do not really coincide now does it? I mean who comes up with these things?""What? I don't get it. I thought that everyone has everything laid down for them. Every soul serves a purpose don't they?"
"They do serve a purpose. It's like getting a birthday present that's wrapped in clear wrap. Would you open it just to see what's inside? No, you wouldn't. If you've seen it then why bother go to all that work to open it right? That is why I put everything on random. If I had everything preordained, would you think humanity would've progressed or evolved as it is today. Besides, if everything was under my control, I would've made it a happier place. What Father would want to see His children unhappy?""Hmmmm... I guess so. So you're saying you had nothing to with anything that Man has done?"
"Maybe I have given some people some hints here and there along the way. But that's it.""Can I be a turtle instead?"
"What's with you and shelled creatures anyways?""Let's just say, I love my own personal space and don't seem to be getting any."
"So you're here just to ask me if I could turn you into something other than a human being?""Yeah." Smiles
God turns me into a rock....
....
....
....
Yeah, maybe if He did entertain me, He'd get a headache. Anyways, snail or not, I still have to study for this test tomorrow. Good night people. and please be considerate. You may think living is a pain.. Death could be a lot more worse.
He sat there, typing relentlessly. The clicking sounds made by the keyboard as his fingers danced frantically on the keys filled the still morning air. It's 4 in the morning but he knows he can't stop. Darkness engulfed every other inch of his room that is not illuminated by the light of his laptop's screen.
Why does he do so?
He can't stop. Not now though. He has to type. Sleep is the farthest thing in his mind right now.
"Huh?!?" he exclaimed as he hears the soft screech of furniture being dragged above him. He paused for a moment and looked above him. The sound, although indistinct and faraway, seemed to echo throughout the dead morning hour. He shook his head in embarrassment as he realised how stupid he was to be startled by such a common sound. It was early in the morning. People wake up.
Didn't they leave last night? His thoughts ran amok as he tried to rationalize the source of the sound.
It's just my imagination. He could feel the back of his neck tingling. Frightened are we? But of what, he himself is not sure.
It's just my imagination.He keeps telling himself that. Is self-reassurance enough to convince himself that? For the moment it'll have to do. He has only one thing - To finish typing.
He carried on with his work, choosing not to analyse any further of what could've caused the sound.
scrrrreeeeeeeeeeeecccccchhhhhHe stood up abruptly, his chair tipped over landing behind him. This time is was too loud to be ignored. It wanted to be heard. There is someone or something above him in the third floor.
Thud, thud, thud, thud, thudThere's someone at the door. The sounds of fists against wood. How many are there?
And then it stopped, as suddenly as it had started. Slowly, he inched closer to the door. He the grabbed knob and turned it. His thoughts ran amok. Could it be the hauntings that all his seniors had talked about? Could it be one of the ghosts? The lady in white? Or is it that black specter that has had numerous sightings around campus? He could feel his fingers trembling in fear. Nevertheless, he just had to know. Will curiosity kill this cat?
Turn the knob he did. The shiny, metal surface felt colder than usual as he rotated it. Turn did he all the way. He swung the door open.
....
....
....
....
It was ....
...
...
...
a DUTCH BUNNY?!?
"Why u no sleep ah?" it asked him.
"Stupid furball!!!" he cursed as he kicked the bloody thing away.
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I CANT SLEEP WHAT!!!!!! DAMMIT!!!!!! My eyes.. I can't close them no matter what and I have class today. WWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck typos if any. I wanna sleep. Why can't I sleep? Why, dammit, why???
*breathing deeply*
Ok, cool. I'll just sleep after class. That's it. Anyways, on a much brighter note, I just found out that I resemble Condolezza Rice by 60 percent and Jay Chou by 52 percent and with shorter hair I look like Johnny Depp.
Yeah... That'll be the day. I think the engine that they use still needs A LOT OF WORK.
THAT'S one way to start a day. To be reminded by something that you are actually a woman. Try it out. It's at
myheritage.com. Amaze your friends and family. You never know. You'd be surprise at the results. I'm gonna go take a shower and then have breakfast. Good morning everyone. Life is beautiful...
*laughs maniacally, running away into the distant... ummmm... shower*
*slips on soap in shower and faints*
note from blogger: blogger wouldn't let me post this this morning. So here it is.. I wrote this at five in the morning so bare with me.
